A VERY Unexpected Journey
by Spinjitzugirl6310
Summary: A kid named Amy jumps through a screen and winds up in Middle Earth. I know there are squillians of these but... Fun. May or may not contain Romance.
1. Chapter 1

**I`m a nerd. :P I do not own the Hobbit, or middle earth.**

I remember the day when I was a complete idiot. My name is Amy Chesterton, and I am in the middle of a big mix-up. It started the day when I went to see the Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, for the fourth time. I remember standing up in the middle of the theater, whispering to my best friend: "I must go. Middle Earth needs me!" I walked towards the screen and jumped. The world went black, and I fell unconscious.

...

You may be thinking that that was a stupid thing to do. I heartily agree. It was very stupid. But at least I had my backpack, filled with stuff. These helped very much when…but I am getting ahead of myself. I noticed that I was in a land of greenery, nice scenery, and little houses. I realized I was in the SHIRE! AS IN THE SHIRE FROM IN LORD OF THE RINGS AND THE HOBBIT!

"O my word….." My voice trailed off as I recognized a door. A green door, perfectly round, with a brass knob in the exact middle. I hurried across the field and checked the door. There was the sign that Gandalf had put there. Now I knew when I was. I listened. No noise, the dwarves must not have gotten there yet. I knocked on the door. I heard footsteps, and noticed for the first time that the door was only slightly bigger than me. This confused me greatly. Especially when Bilbo opened the door, and I noticed I was not looking down as much as I should.

"Hello?" Bilbo said. "Who are you?"

"Amy…um, are you Mr. Bilbo Baggins?"

"Yes."

"May I come in please?"

"I guess." He let me in.

"I`m lost, could you direct me to Bree, by any chance?"

"Yes, but come and eat, I have never turned away a stranger before, and I don`t intend to start now!" If only he knew how many strangers he would let into his house soon, I thought.

"So, you don`t look like a hobbit. What are you?" I looked down. I was wearing shoes; my feet were the same size.

"I think I`m a dwarf." I answered. Wow! I thought. Mom always did say that I`d make a good dwarf. There was a knock at the door. Dwalin, I thought. Oh goodie. I was about to get stuck in a house full of rowdy dwarves, a wizard, and a flustered hobbit. I braced myself.


	2. Chapter 2

You know, I was absolutely right. There is a reason why I watched the movie four times, and read the book fifteen times. I thought it was to be a nerd, but I think it was for this. Dwalin introduced himself, saw me, and said:

"Is this your wife?" Big mistake.

"No, I am not, and you could ask me directly, you know." I said. "I am not hobbit, at all, I`m a dwarf, like you." I got a curious look. I marched in the direction of the dining room. A few minutes later, after Dwalin had dove headfirst into the fish, there was another knock. Balin was here. Sure enough, he came in, looked at me curiously, and greeted Dwalin with a head butt.

"Hi," I said. Balin looked at me again.

"Who are you?"

"I`m a dwarf, and my name is Amy."

"Oh." And he started to eat. I had, while Dwalin was distracted, taken some food and shoved it in my bag, knowing that they`d be short on food during the quest.

Two more knocks. Fili and Kili if the book and movie were anything to judge by. Sure enough, in they came. They looked at me.

"Who-"Fili began, but I cut him off.

"I`m not married to Mr. Baggins, I am a dwarf, and my name is Amy."

"Oh." He looked surprised. It hit me like a punch to the gut that he and his brother would be dead by the end. I told myself that I knew what I had to do on this adventure. Save lives.

"Fili and Kili, I presume?" I asked. They nodded. I pointed. "Kitchen`s thataway." They tromped off in that direction. I saw Fili take a plate of drumsticks and walk past me. I stole five and shoved them in the pack. I was making out like a bandit, even if I got a glare from him. Kili looked at me with an expression that said: Why are you tormenting my brother? I shrugged and stole a slice of ham, and ate it.

I deduced that the big crowd would show up, I got my seat quick. Right in between Fili and Kili, Balin across from me. Excellent. I set my pack in my lap. I felt my belt, full of weapons, and thought: Wow! I`m a REAL Dwarf, in MIDDLE EARTH, In the SHIRE sitting in BAG END next to some of my favorite dwarves! I geeked out silently.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, everyone was here except for Thorin. I was continually taking half of the stuff I got my hands on and saving it. Thank heaven for freezer bags. I was really enjoying myself when Bofur offered me some ale.

"No thanks, I do **_not_** drink alcohol, it`s unhealthy and makes you act nuts. I`ll have water." I poured myself a glass of water, and downed it in one breath. I had been noticing a few more changes about me too.

I was a little bit broader. My hair was slightly thicker and longer. I could speak dwarf more fluently. I knew that I shouldn`t speak elvish around this group, which disappointed me, because a nerd likes to prove her nerdiness. I had all in all, a good time. Even if Fili nearly stepped on my plate because he decided to stomp across the table. If he had gotten one step closer, he would have wound up on the floor. I defend my food with my life. Then the cleanup.

My favorite part of the Bag End scenes is the cleanup. The singing, the flinging of the plates, I knew it all. Which I loved better because I could sing right with them, actually catch the plates that were flung down the hallway at me. I loved it. Then another knock. Silence fell.

"He`s here." Gandalf said quietly. I gulped. Thorin was here. Also known as King Kill-Joy, nicknamed by my friend, who was still at home. And I was about to meet him.

Oh, yay.


	4. Chapter 4

When the door opened, I could have sworn I was gonna faint. The excitement of the moment was overwhelming. He gave the standard lines, and then the movie majorly changed. After the Bilbo humiliation fiasco, he looked at me, and I wanted to die.

"And who is this?" he asked. I thought up a story.

"I`m Amy Sullivan. My father salutes you, my king," I gave a slight bow. "He sends his eldest daughter to aid you in your quest."

"Hmmmm." I tried very much to hide my nervousness. I thought it was a very good thing that I had worn my dwarf style braids to the movie. They signified an important position and that I was the eldest. (And that I was unmarried.) "If you`re dwarf, where is your beard?"

"I was born without, sir." I was SURE that I was sweating.

"I see." I hated this. I continued to try to calm myself and not melt. Gandalf rescued me by bringing the group into the dining room. I noticed that I was at the end of the procession, next to the elder of Thorin`s nephews.

"Nice job," Fili muttered. He clapped my shoulder and moved ahead.

**Ok, I`m gonna try to respond to the reviews.**

**I LOVE REVIEWS.**

**Even if I only have one.**

**Trust me, Amy gets MUCH more talkative.**


	5. Chapter 5

I was happy about having survived the analysis, and I had great joy in noticing that I was armed to the teeth, I loved the TV portal right then. Which is why I was feeling pretty good. Later, there was the "give him the contract scene." It changed however. After Bilbo fainted, the contract was given to me. I sat down and signed my name without blinking. I gave it back to Balin. I was sure I was going to die on this mission. To keep myself occupied, I pulled a book out of my pack and tried to read. A minute later the group rearranged everything. I knew that Thorin and the dwarves were going to sing that song about the Lonely Mountain. I loved this part. I sang along, quietly.

After it was done, I looked around and caught Thorin`s eye. He had been analyzing me again. We were just sitting there, staring at each other, when Thorin nodded slightly and looked away.

I was getting annoyed with the dwarf doubt.

Well, I can ride by myself, but the others don`t believe me. I honestly should take my dagger and cut their beards while they`re asleep, but I`d run into a problem with some. Nuts.

Plus, Thorin would eat me alive.

Fun, eh?

Today I was riding with Mr. Balin, who told me many remarkable things about dwarf history. Nice guy. Could be a professor for history, or maybe a librarian.

I was on edge; I knew the troll adventure was coming up.

O dear.

I had a feeling I was going to die that night.

Dang Middle Earth.

**I tried to make this one slightly longer.**

**Soo...R&R PLEAZ!**


	6. Chapter 6

I hate this.

Fili and Kili were sent to watch the ponies. I went with them, stubbornly.

"Thorin sent us." Fili said. "Not you."

"I don`t care. Cut the sexist behavior, or I`ll kick you clean onto your butt." He stared. "It`s rude to stare, you know." I proceeded to open my backpack, look inside, and said: "Got enough air in there?"

This time they both stared.

I laughed and pulled out a bag of Doritos and walked back to divide them among fourteen dwarves, a wizard, and a hobbit.

I am hilarious.

**Combining chapters again...**

I know I`m extremely unladylike, and impolite, but the dwarves couldn`t exactly wind up at a tea party either.

After a little bit, Bilbo went to bring Fili and Kili their soup; I tagged along. Troll part starting now.

2 ponies were missing.

"Look!" I hissed. "A tree has been uprooted. Are you blind? Something big carried them off. A troll most likely."

There was a troll. The twits made Bilbo go.

"By Durin`s name, you guys are not going to leave him?"

They nodded and went for Thorin.

Idiotic pigheaded dwarves.

I did the stupidest thing right then.

I went after Bilbo.


	7. Chapter 7

It was AWFUL.

We got nabbed. The entire group did.

I decided to take Bilbo`s place and stood up in my sack.

"Um, excuse me?" The trolls looked at me.

"What?"

"You`re doing it all wrong. Roasting them? Please! Everyone knows you must boil them! I should know. A wonderful recipe my mother passed down to me! Just promise me a little bit of dwarf afterword. Yum!" The dwarves started shouting at me.

"Nuthin wrong with a bit o raw dwarf!" one said. He picked up Bombur and tried to eat him.

"Not that one! He`s infected! He has worms in his tubes!" Bombur was dropped. "All of them do actually! Parasites! Nasty business. I wouldn`t touch it if I were you."

"OI! We don`t have parasites! You have parasites!"

I sent frantic eye signals to Thorin. He understood. _The light has dawned,_ I thought. Thorin kicked a complaining Kili. Everyone shut up. Then they understood too.

"I`ve got parasites as big as my arm!"  
"I`ve got the biggest parasites! I`ve got HUGE parasites!"

O, that`s inconspicuous.

Gandalf showed up and turned the trolls to stone.

PHEW!

**Combining chapters again:**

We looted the trolls cave, and were on the road again.

Without the ponies.

Dernit.

"There`s a speck on the flea on the wing on the fly on the frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the SEA!"

"Shut up." Fili told me grumpily.

"No. I won`t. In fact….." It hit me again that they might die. I shut up. "Wanna pretzel?" I took a pretzel bag from my pack and gave him one. I trudged on ahead to talk to Gandalf.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Gandalf?"

"Yes?"

"I have a question."

"Yes?"

"Why am I here?" He looked at me seriously.

"I brought you."

"WHY?!"

"Because you might be some help on this mission."

"So…you dragged me out of my world, turned me into a dwarf…..to help?"

"Yes. And, you have wizard powers."

"I DO?!"

"Yes. I`ll teach you how to use them."

"Thanks!"

"You are welcome, Amy."


	8. Chapter 8

"The party is back!" I said cheerily, returning to the back of the line. Fili and Kili looked at me.

"No, the party is here," Kili deadpanned.

"Ha ha, hilarious."

"I know. I am."

"Dork," I accused.

"Weirdo," He shot back. "Fili, stop laughing."

"Yeah!" I glared.

"Sorry," he gasped out.

"I`m sure," I said sarcastically. "I hope I don`t have to call you princes Your Highness and all that?"

"No," Fili said.

"Makes us feel old," Kili chimed in. "How old are you?"

I knew I had to come up with an age quick.

"67," I said quickly. Wait. The encounter with Radagast was coming up soon. I bit my lip.

Followed by the goblin attack.

"Something's coming!" Thorin cried. I drew a sword and held it in front of me, shaking.

Radagast flew overhead, yelling: "Thieves! Fire! Murder!" There was something different, something…..

There were two figures on that sled.

And one was my friend. Lisa was here.

How in the world did she wind up here?

**Combining Chapters...**

"Lisa?"

"Amy? I jumped in after you and wound up with Radagast!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"Ummm," Kili broke in. "Who is this?"

"She`s my friend!"

"Oh."

Something wicked flashed into my wicked brain. Lisa had been crushing on Kili ever since she saw the movie.

Brilliant.

"Lisa! Why don`t you come with us?"

"Me?"

"Yes you!"

A few minutes later, she decided to come.

I am sooo wicked.

Orc attack coming up.

Radagast drew them off, we fled.

Then we had to fight, causing me to near fall down flat.

I swung my sword, and actually helped some.

Then we fell through the crevice Gandalf directed us to, and hid.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

We came out where Rivendell was. The beautiful falls, the cool houses, everything!

"Woah," I said. Lisa nodded. I backed up, making her back up, and conveniently placing her right next to Kili. She blushed madly.

I smirked.

"What are you smirking about?" Fili asked. I looked at him and indicated my pal behind me.

"Oh." He stared straight ahead.

I quivered. We were in Rivendell.


	9. Chapter 9

Elrond came and spoke with Gandalf, then looked at us. I nervously looked up at him.

"Elen sila lumenn omentilmo, Lord Elrond," (Translation: A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting) I said. My voice quavered. Elrond raised an eyebrow.

"Vedui' (Greetings), Amy, daughter of John of the house of Chesterton. How is it that you know our language?"

"I`ve studied it, sir. How is it that you know my name?"

"All in good time, young Istar (Wizard)." Why did everyone know who I was, except me and my race?

Then they had the idiotic pigheadedness of the group, (They are dwarves, after all!) and Elrond offered them food. Off they were led, and I tagged along. Thorin and Gandalf stayed with Elrond.

"Just. Eat. The. Stupid. Salad," I grated out.

"I don`t like green food," Ori protested.

"Look. I`ll distract you with a story, you eat. I`ll bet you dollars to donuts that you won`t taste it." The dwarves said that I could start. Nobody liked the food. Elves were vegetarians.

I started into the story of Frankenstein. It was made even more weird for them because they weren`t familiar with technology at all. I noticed after Ori finished eating he was writing down the story.

"And no one knew what happened to Dr. Frankenstein, or his monster," I finished.

"I hope I can tell that story to our people," Ori said, eyes wide. I smiled. An elf came.

"Lady Amy, Lord Elrond desires your company with Mithrandir, and Lady Galadrial," he told me. He led me to the meeting room, and left.

I was standing in a room with the three coolest old people ever.

**!**

"Um… Saesa omentien lle, (Pleasure meeting you)" I said. I looked around in wonderment at the room. Spacious, gentle colors, quiet. It was something you`d expect in Rivendell.

"This one is different," Elrond said. "She has power."

"I do? Um, if I may ask, what power?"

"You have power of Wizards, but also…Sorceress powers. As one of our own," Galadrial remarked. I saucer-eyed.

"You`re kidding, right, Milady? I`m no Sorceress, I`m a dwarf! And, I was like a kid, but something got screwed up, and Gandalf controlled me and made me go here and….." I fell silent. Three sets of eyes fell on me. Elrond stood.

"I shall get the volumes," he walked off. I looked at Gandalf.

"What volumes?" I inquired.

"You`ll see,"

!

Elrond returned holding a few thick books.

"You are one of the lost sorceresses of Erebor," Elrond told me. "Since you are unaware of your power, and how to use it, I give you some of the great books we use to train our own."

I gulped and took the lengthy tomes.

I looked through it. I knew enough Elvish to translate titles, and a few phrases. Because of the phrasebook that I carried with me, (I myself had thoroughly researched the language and thrown the phrase book together) I could read it.

"Summon Water Elemental spells? Strength? And however many more? O WOW! Thank you, Lord Elrond!"  
I remember temporarily going nuts and hugging Elrond. You should have seen his face. Then I hugged Gandalf, and even hugged Galadrial.

We talked, giving me instructions, a TRUE Elven phrasebook and a few history books about Middle Earth were given to me also.

Needless to say, I freaked.

I went nuts, lost my mind! I was dismissed later, and I ran down the hallways, clutching my books to my chest. I placed them carefully in my backpack, and went to tell the dwarves.

I was a sorceress!


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey guys!" I walked over to the group.

"What was all that talk?" Dori asked.

"I`m a sorceress!"

"Yeah, and I`m a dragon," Nori snorted. I narrowed my eyes and opened the book of spells. I ran my finger down the list.

"Amin quella!" I cried. I turned invisible immediately.

"Uh, where did she go?" Dwalin asked.

"I`m here! I`m invisible! Believe me now?"

"Yeah." I switched back.

"Oh." I grinned.

"Anyone want another demonstration?"

"I think we`ll survive without," Kili said.

"Shame on you! You should never get tired of my power!" I exclaimed.

"Um, yeah. Whatever," he replied.

I was informed of Thorin`s plan to sneak away in the dead of night.

I already knew, but that didn`t make me any more happy with the idea.

"Idiot," I muttered as I packed.


	11. Chapter 11

"Why did we leave without Gandalf again?" I grumped.

"Shut up," I was told.

"I will not. Thorin might be my king, but he`s not my dad. I can disagree and complain all I want. It`s raining, I`m cold, we`re climbing through _mountains_ and I`m hungry on top of it all."

The stone giant scene came next. It was SO not pretty.

And then we found that cave, and hid in it.

"Is there a spell for warmth?" I asked.

"I dunno," Fili said.

"Fat lot of help you are," I told him. "O! Now I remember! Anar anaroore anrrima anarya ambarta!"

Light flooded the cave.

"Thanks," Gloin said. "Can you make food with those things too?"

"Ilya onta suhto," I said. I held out my hand and a pitcher of hot chocolate appeared, along with mugs. I passed them around. "I`ll try to remember a food one too."

Pretty soon, everyone except for Bofur, who was on watch, was sleeping.


	12. Chapter 12

Then the pit opened, and we fell.

We were brought to the Goblin King. I noticed Bilbo slip away earlier, so Gollum, here he comes.

The Goblin King is the most ugly thing in the history of ugliness.

And I said it.

To his face.

My dwarf boldness shocked even me.

In hindsight, that might not have been the best idea.

Well, we were all bundled together, and I was praying frantically that Gandalf would show up in time to save our hides.

"Guys," I turned to the dwarves. "If we don`t get out of this, I just wanna say I`ll be honored dying beside you lot." They nodded.

"Also," I continued. "I think Thorin is way awesome, and I`m sorry I made him upset. I like you guys, and I like Bofur`s hat. And my sister is madly in love with Kili, which causes problems with Lisa."

And I sat down, and said no more. They stared.

Then a light came out of nowhere, and half blinded us.

I grinned. Gandalf was here.

Time to kick some Goblin butt!

**YAY! And my sister seriously loves Kili...it`s awkward...**


	13. Chapter 13

We kicked butt.

"Lova tyelka (Clumsy)!" I shrieked at a goblin. He immediately fell over his own feet. I killed it. "Pilin en' temple!" I cried, and I fitted the now magic arrow to my bow. I shot at a goblin, and it died immediately.

"Atost en' entula orme(Reactive armor)!" I was now protected as the first big battle I was ever in began to draw to a close. Poor Lisa was scared, I was too, but we had to fight. "Lova poldora (Weaken)!"

As I weakened and cursed our foes, the other`s fought.

Hard.

And we were coming to the end of this section of the movie.

Gandalf cut the Goblin King, and we all got squished by his dead body.

And then we ran like heck.

I stopped near the entrance of the cave, in front of the rock Gollum was hiding behind.

"Onta vasa," I said softly. There was a chicken, cooked. I threw it over it for Gollum later, and then ran.


	14. Chapter 14

So that`s how we all wound up panting a little bit away from the cave.

Waiting for Bilbo.

While Thorin grumped, I looked around and found the tree that Bilbo would be hiding behind.

It would be only a matter of time before he showed up.

Then Bilbo stepped in and made his moving speech.

That`s all boring though.

The fun part was afterword.

"At least we`re all alive!" I said brightly.

"Yes," Fili nodded. "No denying that. And you were pretty good back there."

"Thanks."

And then Bofur snuck up behind me and plopped his hat on my head.

Which led to a chase, which led to Thorin giving us The Glare.

Awkward moments are great.

"Sooooooo…Your sister?"

I turned my head to see Kili`s stupid grinning face.

"Shut your face before something happens to it."

"Seriously though."

I sighed.

"Yes. It`s true. She raves about you. Now shut up and leave me alone."

I strode on ahead.

To talk to Gandalf.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"You did well."

"Pardon?"

"You fought well. Those spells were handy."

"Thank you. What`s that noise?"

A rumbling was heard. I looked back.

Orcs on a hill.

Azog in front.

"OUT OF THE FRYING PAN AND INTO THE FIRE! RUN!" I bellowed.

We ran like heck.

Well, you know the story. All of us stuck up in trees, Thorin temporarily became King Idiot, jumped out of the tree and ran at Azog.

I believe in revenge, and all, but that was just plain stupid.

Then Bilbo saved his neck.

Then we got carried away by giant eagles.  
How Full Moon Awesome is that?  
#####################################################

Well, Thorin was ok, and after he hugged Bilbo, I hugged him.

Something I never thought I`d ever do.

We turned.

And in the distance, we could see a tall mountain.

The Lonely Mountain.

They thought the worst was behind them.

I hate to say that they`re wrong.

But caught up in the moment, it looked good.

It looked like home.

Far over the Misty Mountains rise  
Leave us standing upon the heights  
What was before, we see once more  
Our kingdom a distant light

Fiery mountain beneath the moon  
The words unspoken, we'll be there soon  
For home a song that echoes on  
And all who find us will know the tune

Some folk we never forget  
Some kind we never forgive  
Haven't seen the back of us yet  
We'll fight as long as we live  
All eyes on the hidden door  
To the Lonely Mountain borne  
We'll ride in the gathering storm  
Until we get our long-forgotten gold

We lay under the Misty Mountains cold  
In slumbers deep and dreams of gold  
We must awake, our lives to make  
And in the darkness a torch we hold

From long ago when lanterns burned  
Till this day our hearts have yearned  
Her fate unknown the Arkenstone  
What was stolen must be returned

We must awake and make the day  
To find a song for heart and soul

Some folk we never forget  
Some kind we never forgive  
Haven't seen the end of it yet  
We'll fight as long as we live  
All eyes on the hidden door  
To the Lonely Mountain borne  
We'll ride in the gathering storm  
Until we get our long-forgotten gold  
Far away from Misty Mountains cold.

**The End!**

**Don`t worry guys, Amy and I and the company of Thorin will be back after the next movie!**

**We`ll see you all then!**

**Amy says hi...**

**and the rest do too!**

**Amy: Hi guys! I love reading about myself...**

**Me: Nice. Anyway, I own This Story...not.**

**Bye!**


End file.
